Category Archives: Uncategorized

The best way to say thank you

 

My husband and his mom, sometime in the seventies

My husband and his mom, sometime in the seventies

It was gray and damp, that Thanksgiving Day in 2001, but the weather didn’t matter.  It was the day my husband proposed to me, in the middle of a hike, right before a big family dinner.  I was sitting on a log and he knelt down in the dirt and produced a ring.  I, in turn, produced incoherent babbles of surprise and joy.

We headed from the hike to my parents’ house, where we called Scott’s family and had the fun of sharing our euphoria with them.    Ever since, Thanksgiving has had a warm place in my heart.  It was a day when I had something new to be thankful for, a day when Scott’s family first became part of mine.

This year, Thanksgiving will have a different feel.  Over the holiday weekend, we’ll be having a funeral Mass for Scott’s mother Joan.  Her death was a surprise; though she was having some health issues, she was still active and vibrant.  No one expected the sudden seizure, the ten days in the ICU, the lungs that finally gave way.

Her death has given me so many things to ponder.  Not just the reality of death, or the nature of heaven, though those have been very much on my mind.  Rather, it makes me think about how we can honor the people we love and have lost.

And Joan was eminently lovable.  She was a strong woman, but it was a gentle strength, a solid core clothed in kindness and graciousness.  She donated so much time to her community; her volunteer work kept her busy, but not too busy to write thoughtful handwritten cards to family and friends.  From the first time I met her, she welcomed me with such warmth, making me feel instantly at home.

And I miss her.  Though our homes were far apart and our visits were not as frequent as any of us wished, she was so much a part of our summers and holidays.  The album of my memory is full of snapshots: Joan playing badminton with her grandsons, Joan laughing over a funny story about the boys, Joan humming as she cooked dinner in our kitchen weeks after my oldest son was born.  I remember that last memory with such fondness.  Joan was so happy to be there, visiting her new grandson, and the soup she made was a tangible expression of her love.  Taking care of others was something she did very, very well.

When I think about how to honor Joan, how best to show her that I love and miss her, the answer is clear:  I can honor her by loving her son, by being the most supportive wife I can be.  As a mom myself, I know that there is no dearer wish for a mother than to see her son end up with someone who thinks he is the cat’s meow. I think I do a decent job of showing Scott how much I love him, but the daily stresses of life can sometimes make me snappish and self-absorbed.  That’s something I’d like to change.

Because the guy who proposed to me on Thanksgiving thirteen years ago is the guy I would choose all over again, in a heartbeat.  As the holiday comes around once again, I realize that I am deeply grateful to the woman who raised him and made him the man he is.  Though I miss her, some of her best qualities live on in him.

And all this points to a simple, beautiful truth: The best way to say thank you is to love, and to love completely.

Thought for the day

recite-23357--2091075335-1wl0ocy

 

I love this quotation.  More and more, I agree.

And on a completely different note: If you’ve ever looked up from a home decorating magazine and gazed around your house and thought, “No one in their right mind would ever write an article on THIS mess,” then you’ll enjoy my latest article.  It’s called “If a Home Magazine Did a Feature on my House,” and you can read it over at PowerofMoms.com.

Happy Friday!

Celebrations, the Trinity, and a review of “The Feasts” (and a giveaway, too!)

download

Celebrations are a big part of family life, and they’ve been on my mind a lot lately (my son Luke is on the cusp of his sixth birthday, a fact which he does not fail to remind us multiple times a day).  Even beyond birthdays, there are so many occasions we remember in our family: the day Scott and I had our first date, the day we got married, the days the boys were baptized, the day our beloved friend Mary passed away, the first day of the school year.  We mark these dates on the calendar; we remember them with rituals and photographs and –depending on the occasion –  gratitude or tears or smiles (sometimes all three).

Catholicism isn’t much different, really.  This is a massive family with a lot of things to remember: special events, special people, special truths.   And while it’s easy to overlook these feast days in the hectic pace of our busy lives, life is so much richer when we take time to recall and remember.

That’s why I love the new book The Feasts: How the Church Year Forms Us As Catholics by Cardinal Donald Wuerl and Mike Aquilina. It’s a celebration of the many feasts and seasons in the Christian calendar, everything from Advent to Easter to the Ascension and the many  Marian feasts.   “The feasts are to time what churches are to space,” the authors explain in the Introduction.  “They are moments we mark off as sacred.”  Wuerl and Aquilina explain why we humans crave and need these celebrations: “In the feasts we recognize that God has given us a good life, and we ‘have it abundantly.’ (John 10:10).  The feasts are a fixed occasion to indulge in the joy God made us to desire — and made us to possess in the end.”

Sign me up!

What’s so nice about this book is that it doesn’t just ponder the general importance of the feasts, it also takes a detailed look at some of the most beloved ones.  Wuerl and Aquilina zero their focus in on a sampling of feasts, solemnities, and memorials (these terms are all clearly explained in the book) for closer examination.  They share the history and the traditions of each feast day, also explaining the beliefs behind each one.  In so doing, they invite us to reflect on what — exactly — these feasts mean in our own lives.

Take, for example, the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, which is celebrated the Sunday after Pentecost.

trinity

Holy Trinity Window, St. Dominic’s Church, San Francisco. Photo courtesy of Scott Moyer.

The Holy Trinity is one of those truths that it’s pretty hard to get my head around.  (Actually, who am I kidding?  It’s impossible to get my head around.) As the authors explain,  God  “is one and yet is three divine persons: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” Three in one.

How does that work, exactly?  I have no idea.  And yet I believe in it, because — as I once said to a non-Catholic friend of mine — it’s just crazy enough to be true.  (She understood exactly what I meant.)  As the book puts it, “The truth about the Trinity is so mysterious that it exceeds human understanding.  It is inaccessible to unaided reason.”

And while I like reason in most things, I  have learned through forty-one years of living that there is a huge veil of mystery around this world, some things I’ll simply never know this side of the grave.  I am okay with that, because what matters with me is not the How but the What, and the Why.

I don’t know how God manages to be three separate persons in one.  But I like what that says: God is all about community.  Other people and other relationships matter, and no one is an island.   Even though my innate tendency is toward being an introvert, a life lived alone is not the life that is most healthy for me.  Family and friends and coworkers and neighbors and a broader community are vital: they stretch me, challenge me, enrich me.  I find God in those interactions, and I’m challenged to act like God for others as well.

As the authors write, “If we say that ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:16), we can do so only because we know that God is not a solitude, but a community, a plurality.”  And if God is a community, there are implications for us as well: to strive to be like God in our own interactions.  We’re challenged not to be remote from others but to engage, whether that’s with the son who wants to play blocks with us or the stranger who stops to ask directions even when we’re in a hurry.  We’re meant to remember ourselves as beings who operate in relation to  others, not spinning out there on our own.

That’s what the Trinity calls me to remember.  It’s a reminder I need, honestly, as I live out my life both in the smaller context of my immediate family and the larger context of a global one.   I’m glad there is a day in the calendar that is dedicated to this truth, and I’m grateful that this book invited me to ponder it more deeply.

Have I whet your appetite for feast days?  If you’re interested in reading The Feasts, you’re in luck:  Image Books has kindly donated a copy for me to give away.  To enter, just leave a comment in the comment section below.   Entries will close at midnight on Wednesday, September 17th, after which I’ll randomly choose a winner.  (Many thanks to Image Books for the review copy.  And I’m just one stop on the blog tour for the book, so be sure to check out the other blog-stops for more reflections on these fascinating feasts.)

And the winner of the “Mary and Me” giveaway is …

… Jill L!  Congratulations, Jill!

Thanks to all who entered.  I just may do this again sometime, so keep checking back.

And while you’re at it, have a terrific weekend.

In all things: Lake days and Sriracha fries edition

St. Ignatius believed that you can find evidence of God in all things.  I believe it, too … and here’s how I’ve been finding God lately.

SEEING

We recently returned from visiting Scott’s family in upstate New York.   While there, we got to spend time at two lakes — Otsego Lake in Cooperstown:

IMAG2823

and Minerva Lake in the Adirondacks, where Scott’s cousin organized a family reunion.

IMAG2929

 

“Feast for the eyes” doesn’t begin to describe these two bodies of water.  Glorious.

RELAXING (kind of)

IMAG2813

I luxuriated in this hammock at Otsego Lake, rocking back and forth, gazing at the leafy sky above me and thinking all sorts of spiritual thoughts.  Then two small boys suddenly showed up and began swinging me wildly back and forth, giggling loudly, while I held on for dear life.  Such is life as a mother.  (I have to admit, I was laughing too — and I remembered that God is found in laughter as much as in silent meditation).

EATING

Scott and I slipped out for a lunchtime date, the boys securely in the care of his sister and parents.  We decided to try the Sriracha fries with green onion and cilantro, because we love spicy stuff.

IMAG3191

Let’s just say that if I didn’t already believe in God, these would seal the deal.  Holy cow, they were good.

VISITING

Seeing Scott’s parents and sister was a treat; we see them so rarely, being on the other side of the country, and I always wish we could change that.  But at least we can savor the time we do have.  And it was great to see Scott’s extended family at the reunion his cousin organized.  I met several of his cousins for the first time, and Scott got to see some of them for the first time in about twenty-five years, so it was a blessing for both of us.

PARENTING

Back home in CA, my older son was delighted to finally go get his very own library card.  Talk about a rite of passage!  As Rita Mae Brown said, “When I got my library card, that’s when my life began.”  It was exciting for him and for book-nerd Mom.  I snapped photos like it was prom day.

IMAG3317

CELEBRATING

IMAG3288

My mom has sheet music for every occasion.

Two days after returning home, Scott and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary.  We had a great dinner at one of our “special occasion restaurants” (otherwise known as a restaurant without a kids’ menu) where I ordered quail with truffle risotto (yum).  It must have been the quail that got me thinking of this, but I started quizzing him on his knowledge of CA lore, being that he’s a native New Yorker and all.  He got the state flower right, but he guessed that the CA state motto was “Duuuuude.”  No wonder I love the guy.

WRITING

The dotMagis blog is in the middle of its annual month-long celebration of Ignatian spirituality, and they invited me to write about a time when I found God in an unexpected place.  My story involves my youngest son, a running leap, the edge of a bunk bed, and an ambulance.  You can read it all here.  Check out all the other posts, too — there’s a wealth of spiritual insight there, and there will be a new one every day of July.

Where have you found God lately?