How do we make church a welcoming place?Â There are many strategies: introductions, nametags, friendly ushers, donuts after Mass.Â And yet the real work of welcoming isnâ€™t something we can delegate to the parish staff.Â Itâ€™s something that has to start with the people Â in the pews.
People like, say, you and me.
Let me take you back in time, to a noontime Mass at a nearby parish.Â My husband was sick, so it was just me and the twoÂ boys.Â Â I missed most of the Liturgy of the Word because I was trying to keep my younger son from narrating his picture books in a loud voice; I missed the homily because of bothÂ boysâ€™ sudden urgent need to use the bathroom.Â We all filed out of the pew, leaving the books scattered on the seats, and joined the line for the restroom.
Once business was concluded, we headed back to the pews.Â And as we drew closer, my heart sank to find that a man was now sitting in our seats.
There was still room for the three of us to squeeze in, so we did.Â The man obligingly moved over, but I was still miffed.Â As if Mass with kids isnâ€™t hard enough already, I thought to myself, now we have hardly any room.Â And with all these books, isnâ€™t it obvious someone was sitting here?Â The Mass went on, and so did the pity party in my head.
And though I didnâ€™t vocalize these thoughts, Iâ€™m sure they were discernible.Â My posture, my expression, the waves of disapproval emanating from me: it was probably pretty obvious that I didnâ€™t want that man there.
But after the Mass, I realized I hadnâ€™t been fair.Â This was not a personal slight; it was simply someone taking a seemingly empty seat so he didnâ€™t have to stand at the back.
And really, what did I know about this man?Â Perhaps he was a Catholic returning to his faith, attending Mass for the first time in years.Â If so, would his strongest impression of it be the young mom who was subtly but unmistakably peeved at him for taking a seat heâ€™d thought was empty?
And even if he was a regular parishioner, Â didnâ€™t I still have a role to play in making him feel welcome?Â Wasnâ€™t Â there something I could have done to reflect Godâ€™s generosity and love?
Yes, there was, and Â I hadnâ€™t done it.Â I resolved to do better next time.
Because hereâ€™s what I keep realizing: Mass is not about reserving a space for my own private worship.Â Itâ€™s about sharing a space with others.Â We go to Mass because Â even if we donâ€™t know each other, even if we never see each other again, for a brief but powerful hour we recognize that we have a shared identity as children of God.
And though Mass is about encountering Jesus in the Eucharist, we also find Jesus in the families Â squeezing past us in the pews.Â We find him in the woman who comes in late and trips over our feet.Â Â We even find him in the man who takes our seat when weâ€™re taking our kids to the bathroom, and if we give that person the cold shoulder because heâ€™s keeping us from the Mass experience we want, weâ€™re missing the forest for the trees.
But if weâ€™re genuinely kind to the people around us, if we smile and make eye contact and willingly share our space, weâ€™re edging a little closer to the kind of church weâ€™re capable of being: a church that welcomes everyone, just as Jesus does.
And I like knowing that every Sunday is a new chance to get it right.