How [not] to be welcoming

Welcome

 

How do we make church a welcoming place?  There are many strategies: introductions, nametags, friendly ushers, donuts after Mass.  And yet the real work of welcoming isn’t something we can delegate to the parish staff.  It’s something that has to start with the people  in the pews.

People like, say, you and me.

Let me take you back in time, to a noontime Mass at a nearby parish.  My husband was sick, so it was just me and the two boys.   I missed most of the Liturgy of the Word because I was trying to keep my younger son from narrating his picture books in a loud voice; I missed the homily because of both boys’ sudden urgent need to use the bathroom.  We all filed out of the pew, leaving the books scattered on the seats, and joined the line for the restroom.

Once business was concluded, we headed back to the pews.  And as we drew closer, my heart sank to find that a man was now sitting in our seats.

There was still room for the three of us to squeeze in, so we did.  The man obligingly moved over, but I was still miffed.  As if Mass with kids isn’t hard enough already, I thought to myself, now we have hardly any room.  And with all these books, isn’t it obvious someone was sitting here?  The Mass went on, and so did the pity party in my head.

And though I didn’t vocalize these thoughts, I’m sure they were discernible.  My posture, my expression, the waves of disapproval emanating from me: it was probably pretty obvious that I didn’t want that man there.

But after the Mass, I realized I hadn’t been fair.  This was not a personal slight; it was simply someone taking a seemingly empty seat so he didn’t have to stand at the back.

And really, what did I know about this man?  Perhaps he was a Catholic returning to his faith, attending Mass for the first time in years.  If so, would his strongest impression of it be the young mom who was subtly but unmistakably peeved at him for taking a seat he’d thought was empty?

And even if he was a regular parishioner,  didn’t I still have a role to play in making him feel welcome?  Wasn’t  there something I could have done to reflect God’s generosity and love?

Yes, there was, and  I hadn’t done it.  I resolved to do better next time.

Because here’s what I keep realizing: Mass is not about reserving a space for my own private worship.  It’s about sharing a space with others.  We go to Mass because  even if we don’t know each other, even if we never see each other again, for a brief but powerful hour we recognize that we have a shared identity as children of God.

And though Mass is about encountering Jesus in the Eucharist, we also find Jesus in the families  squeezing past us in the pews.  We find him in the woman who comes in late and trips over our feet.   We even find him in the man who takes our seat when we’re taking our kids to the bathroom, and if we give that person the cold shoulder because he’s keeping us from the Mass experience we want, we’re missing the forest for the trees.

But if we’re genuinely kind to the people around us, if we smile and make eye contact and willingly share our space, we’re edging a little closer to the kind of church we’re capable of being: a church that welcomes everyone, just as Jesus does.

And I like knowing that every Sunday is a new chance to get it right.

6 Responses to How [not] to be welcoming

  1. Jesus keeps reminding us we have unlimited chances to “get it right” …..if we are sincerely trying. I’m glad to have some left!

  2. Me, too. It helps so much to know that there are second chances … and third, fourth, fifth ….

  3. Makes me think about all the ways I might be more welcoming, in traffic, in the grocery store line. Thank you!

  4. Yes, it definitely applies outside of church, Tarn, doesn’t it? I guess we have many venues for practicing …

  5. Beautiful post, and can I ever relate! Synagogues are big on claiming they are “warm and welcoming,” words found on the home page of every web site, and Board members usually wear name tags and an usher welcomes everyone at the door. Still, unfortunately, people in the pews are sometimes unfriendly. Recently I was on the receiving end of a glare, followed by an actual scold, “I’ve been sitting in that seat for 20 years.” And they wonder at the synagogue why I seldom attend. Sigh.

  6. Pamela, your story reminds me of the time in my twenties that I went to Mass on Easter and someone was sitting in the seat I always took. I felt like Norm in the old show “Cheers” when he came back from the poolroom to find someone sitting on his barstool! 🙂